Ainsley is here!

Man, pregnancy is tough! 10 months of dreaming about the arrival of your bundle of joy, watching your body transform before your eyes, progressively acquiring aches and pains, and finally wishing that this little parasite would hurry up and make their "grand debut" already! (Did you catch the sarcasm?) But really, I think that God teaches women patience during pregnancy that we will need immediately for the labor, delivery and recovery, but also patience that we will need in the future to stay sane when the 18 month old wants to sit in your lap while you are nursing the newborn and throws a mini tantrum when you gently say "I love you honey, but I can't hold you right now." Give me a break kid, I was nice about it!! But most of all, I think that God lets that baby grow slowly and delicately in our wombs for 10 long months so that by the time they do enter the world we already love them more than we love ourselves. We immediately would sacrifice our bodies (delivery and nursing, ladies?) our freedom (I haven't worn makeup in a week), our sleep (can I get an Amen?), and if it came to it, our very lives for these little beings whom we adore and stare at for hours at a time dreaming about the kind of person that they are going to become. Ahhh, Motherhood!

Ainsley Karis Emberger was born at 4:14pm on January 15th, 2010. She was 6 lbs, 14 oz, and 20 in. **Warning** I am about to tell the story of her birth. If you are squeamish, don't like babies, or can't handle candor, please don't read on!!

The day started off quite well. I was being induced, so we arrived at the hospital at 5:30AM, tired, but excited about the imminent birth of our second child. We strolled into the labor and delivery ward, laughed with the registration nurse, and hung on to every word of the "plan" for the induction and delivery. I received my IV fluids, the labor-inducing Pitocin medication, and the well-wishes of everyone who came in the room. I comfortably watched TV (A Baby Story, ironically, but only because nothing else was on at the time) while Jason studiously worked on his grad school work. After a while, I started to have minor contractions, but nothing that I couldn't handle and I felt proud of myself for holding out on the epidural for a while and actually experiencing what labor felt like. (Last time, I was knocked out for 12 hours straight and suddenly there was a baby in my arms!) Around 12:30pm, the contractions started to get extremely painful and so I requested the epidural. Again, things went beautifully as I laughed with the anesthesiologist and was surprised by the relative painlessness of the gigantic needle he had just plunged into my back. Somewhere around 3pm, my nurse said that I was 9 1/2 centimeters and was almost ready to go, so she notified my doctor who would be on her way in about 20 minutes. She was a little longer than that, but it made no difference to me because I couldn't feel a thing. They quickly got the room ready for the arrival of the baby, had a nurse for the baby on standby, and reminded me what they expected of me in this labor process. I began to push when they informed me that I was having contractions (epidural, remember?) and that's when the nightmare began!

Unfortunately, because of that wonderful epidural, I couldn't exactly make my body do the kind of heavy-duty pushing that it needed to do to eject this baby from my womb. I heard my doctor's voice change as she told me that I was going to have to push a lot harder. As I closed my eyes, held my breath, and gritted my teeth again and again, the mood of the room became all business. The baby's heart rate had dropped, I was given oxygen and the doctor quickly moved on to the suction device. I watched as blood splattered all over her face mask as she carefully tried to force the baby out. Jason removed himself to a chair as his body succumb to the overwhelming stress of the situation. Suddenly, I was terrified! Several extra nurses entered my room and my doctor said they were from the NICU, just as a precaution. I didn't know at the time, but she had already ordered that an OR be prepped for an emergency C-section. My doctor quickly made a skillful incision and PRAISE THE LORD, was able to pull the baby out! She cried immediately and I cried as I frantically asked over and over again, "is she ok, is she ok?" My doctor reassured me that the baby was perfectly fine and that it was a short umbilical cord that had kept her from victoriously emerging from the womb on her own. (Cords are usually 30+ centimeters, but hers was only 10!) I am happy to report that Ainsley is extremely healthy, nursing and sleeping well, and has already gained 2 ounces! She does have a hematoma on the back of her scalp from the suctioning, but her doctor is going to keep an eye on it and we would appreciate prayers for a full recovery from that trauma to her beautiful little head. We are so blessed to be the parents of two beautiful little girls and we look forward to watching them grow up and become beautiful, Godly women!

California Love

First of all, I want to thank all of the faithful people who prayed for us as we went through this difficult time of waiting on God. We had a feeling that He would keep us guessing until the 11th hour, and we were right! Jason flew out to CA on Saturday two weeks ago, found out he got the job that Tuesday and left in the moving van Wednesday night. Corinne and I flew out on Saturday (accompanied by my incredibly gracious Mother-In-Law) and we have been in our new house for almost a week! If you stopped breathing while reading this, then you understand what we are feeling!!! But you can let out that breathe with joy, because we absolutely ADORE it here. When God does something, He does it well. We knew in our hearts that this was OUR will, but we knew it would never happen unless it was God's will and divine plan. I mean, 4 months ago, we were living in Farm Town America (no offense Chestertown) and now we are in the promised land of California!

We fell in love with California when we lived here after college. We were sad to leave it when we found out we were expecting Corinne, but we thought it would be best for everyone if we had our first child around family and friends. We thought that we would be happy because we would be close to the people that we love the most, but our hearts ached for this place. When we lived in Maryland, we felt empty because there was no joy in the lives we were living. We are not small farm town type people and we felt like our souls were slowly dying on that cow farm. We dreamed of one day going back to California and raising our children in a place where culture and diversity is embraced, where individuality and personality is celebrated and where life is enjoyed and lived to its fullest. We had no idea that our "dreams" would "come true" so quickly. Of course, it didn't seem quick while we waited, but 4 months is a lot shorter than 4 years!

Why do we love California, you ask? Well besides all of the things I have already mentioned, the beaches are free, the surf is great, the mountains are at our backyard, the people are friendly and welcoming, the lifestyle is simpler, the food is better (there is a chain restaurant that imports Philly food and makes great cheesesteaks, so we have EVERYTHING delicious), the weather is sunnier, and our hearts are lighter. And those are all the reasons that we need. Of course, we miss our friends and family, but we know that our hearts will keep us close forever. And really, California is only a 5 hour plane ride from PHL, guys. You won't regret the trip!

What to do?

I've been waiting to talk about the details of what is going on with us because I didn't want to make a big deal out of nothing. It was a tough decision to leave Young Life, but when the money ran out, we needed to do what was best for our family. Jason has felt compelled to go back to school and further his education. Naturally, our hearts turned once again towards California, and Jason was accepted to Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena. He received a 100% financial aid package and is due to start his Masters Degree on September 15th. That's right, 3 weeks from now. You might be wondering, "what the heck are you still doing in Philly?!" Good Question! We have been struggling as to whether this is the best choice for our family. We want to go with all of our hearts and we want to raise our children in the California "chill" environment. But with the economy tanking, especially in CA, we are not sure if we are going to make it if we take this huge risk. The bright side is that there is a phenomenal job prospect that we have been waiting to hear about. Jason applied several months ago and it has been a long and emotional process, but he just found out that he is one of 3 people who are being finally interviewed and the decision will be made in the next two weeks. It is a part-time Youth Pastoring job at a Presbyterian Church a few miles from Fuller. They offer a decent monthly stipend and an all-expenses paid two bedroom house with the position! If we get this job, then we just might be able to survive out there. We have decided that if we get this job, then we will go to California and if we don't, then we stay in Philly. It's been crazy hanging on the edge of our seats, waiting for the answer to be made clear to us. And it's crazy to think that our lives could completely change in the next two weeks. But we love adventure and we are ready to step out into this new chapter of our lives if this is what God has for us. And if we stay in Philly, we will feel so blessed to have our friends and family and Philly food to enjoy. Please just pray for peace as we wait and contentment with whatever the answer may be.

Faith?

I know it's been a long time since I wrote something on my blog. But let's be honest, who actually reads this? Christy, I know you are saying, "I do!" and because I know I at least have an audience of one, I write.

I need to just be honest and say that I am a little scared. God has blessed me with the gift of faith and that gift has eased me through many tough times, but this time is a little different. We've even been in similar situations before waiting on God until the eleventh hour to tell us what the next step should be. But everything changes when there is a child involved. I'm not really thinking about how cramped we might be if we have to live in someone's spare bedroom for a while. I am thinking if I am going to be able to feed my daughter and have health insurance for the one on the way. (If this is how you find out that I am pregnant, I apologize. The official [Facebook] announcement is coming soon!)

When I was growing up, I never really knew or cared that I was poor. I had plenty to eat and we always took some kind of fun vacation. It didn't matter to me that our house wasn't perfect or that I didn't have fancy clothes. I was taken care of and I knew I was loved. I always thought that when I was a Mom, I was going to do just as good a job as my mom did, if not better b/c I would have a little more to provide my family with. But here I am, a Mom and pregnant, and we are going to be homeless and jobless in a month. I feel like I have failed in some way, not b/c I'm not a good Mom, b/c I am. But b/c I didn't prepare better, I didn't save enough, I didn't work more hours when I could have, I lived too extravagantly before I had children.

I really do trust God and I know that He is going to take care of our needs b/c He desires to give good gifts to His children. But I also desire to give good gifts to my children, and my heart aches that I can barely give the necessities to my children. Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief!

tough times

I don't really know much about politics or the economy or the workings of this nation, but I do know that I am scared. I find myself looking around my (rented) house looking for things that I could sell if we needed money for food. I am dreading the fact that my daughter is getting older everyday and will eventually need clothes, books, and lunch money. I have even put off getting a haircut for a few months now because it feels like a luxury that I can not afford! I spend everyday working with unfortunate families who are struggling to make ends meet and at the end of the day I realize that I am only a paycheck away from being in line with them. There is an amazing man who volunteers his time at the Family Center b/c he has been laid off from his job and is trying to be productive while he waits for a break. He is trying to take care of two little boys on his own and will be homeless at the end of April. My heart breaks for him b/c of what he is going through, but even more b/c I don't have the means to do anything about his situation! What is going on here?! My prayer is that my faith will not falter in this time of uncertainty and that my God will provide.

Liquid

A big shout out to Jym and Carrie Doolan for introducing me to Liquid Church. Never has my faith been more tested or challenged than listening to the down-to-earth sermons based on real life issues that I am actually going through. I have been listening to the series called "Vertical" about prayer and it has really rocked my world. I recommend that everyone check them out on the web.
www.liquidchurch.com

PS. If you are married, you should really listen to the sermons on Song of Solomon!

a kick in the pants!

Ok, I am ashamed! Christy has now started a blog and I believe that in my last blog I said that I would be trying to post once a week from then on... that was in October! Oops! I do have a small excuse, shortly thereafter I started a part-time job! Let me tell you all about it...

I never planned to go back to work, my heart's desire is to be a stay-at-home Mom. But Corinne takes great naps during the day and Jason works from home, so I was starting to feel a little... dare I say, bored?! One day, Jason came home and said, and I quote, "I found purpose for your life!" After I punched him in the gut, he showed me an ad for a Part-Time Youth Coordinator position at a family center in our town. I immediately jumped on it and started a few weeks later! After spending several days trying to remember what one does at a "job," I am really starting to get the hang of this thing. The most exciting part of my job is that I am going to be starting a mentoring program in our county. It is a huge task to take on, but will be so beneficial to the youth of Kent County.

Corinne is enjoying spending more time with her Daddy. When I took this job, Jason quit his one day a week job at the coffee shop and now he hangs out with Corinne every afternoon for 4 hours. Things are working out great! Developmentally, she is going crazy! She has doubled her birth weight, she is eating solid foods, sitting up on her own, and chewing on her feet. Best of all, she puts her little hands on my face looks into my eyes, smiles, and says...... "DADA!!!" Grrrr. Besides that minor setback, she is growing beautifully.

I will leave you with a strange family photo....