California Love

First of all, I want to thank all of the faithful people who prayed for us as we went through this difficult time of waiting on God. We had a feeling that He would keep us guessing until the 11th hour, and we were right! Jason flew out to CA on Saturday two weeks ago, found out he got the job that Tuesday and left in the moving van Wednesday night. Corinne and I flew out on Saturday (accompanied by my incredibly gracious Mother-In-Law) and we have been in our new house for almost a week! If you stopped breathing while reading this, then you understand what we are feeling!!! But you can let out that breathe with joy, because we absolutely ADORE it here. When God does something, He does it well. We knew in our hearts that this was OUR will, but we knew it would never happen unless it was God's will and divine plan. I mean, 4 months ago, we were living in Farm Town America (no offense Chestertown) and now we are in the promised land of California!

We fell in love with California when we lived here after college. We were sad to leave it when we found out we were expecting Corinne, but we thought it would be best for everyone if we had our first child around family and friends. We thought that we would be happy because we would be close to the people that we love the most, but our hearts ached for this place. When we lived in Maryland, we felt empty because there was no joy in the lives we were living. We are not small farm town type people and we felt like our souls were slowly dying on that cow farm. We dreamed of one day going back to California and raising our children in a place where culture and diversity is embraced, where individuality and personality is celebrated and where life is enjoyed and lived to its fullest. We had no idea that our "dreams" would "come true" so quickly. Of course, it didn't seem quick while we waited, but 4 months is a lot shorter than 4 years!

Why do we love California, you ask? Well besides all of the things I have already mentioned, the beaches are free, the surf is great, the mountains are at our backyard, the people are friendly and welcoming, the lifestyle is simpler, the food is better (there is a chain restaurant that imports Philly food and makes great cheesesteaks, so we have EVERYTHING delicious), the weather is sunnier, and our hearts are lighter. And those are all the reasons that we need. Of course, we miss our friends and family, but we know that our hearts will keep us close forever. And really, California is only a 5 hour plane ride from PHL, guys. You won't regret the trip!

What to do?

I've been waiting to talk about the details of what is going on with us because I didn't want to make a big deal out of nothing. It was a tough decision to leave Young Life, but when the money ran out, we needed to do what was best for our family. Jason has felt compelled to go back to school and further his education. Naturally, our hearts turned once again towards California, and Jason was accepted to Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena. He received a 100% financial aid package and is due to start his Masters Degree on September 15th. That's right, 3 weeks from now. You might be wondering, "what the heck are you still doing in Philly?!" Good Question! We have been struggling as to whether this is the best choice for our family. We want to go with all of our hearts and we want to raise our children in the California "chill" environment. But with the economy tanking, especially in CA, we are not sure if we are going to make it if we take this huge risk. The bright side is that there is a phenomenal job prospect that we have been waiting to hear about. Jason applied several months ago and it has been a long and emotional process, but he just found out that he is one of 3 people who are being finally interviewed and the decision will be made in the next two weeks. It is a part-time Youth Pastoring job at a Presbyterian Church a few miles from Fuller. They offer a decent monthly stipend and an all-expenses paid two bedroom house with the position! If we get this job, then we just might be able to survive out there. We have decided that if we get this job, then we will go to California and if we don't, then we stay in Philly. It's been crazy hanging on the edge of our seats, waiting for the answer to be made clear to us. And it's crazy to think that our lives could completely change in the next two weeks. But we love adventure and we are ready to step out into this new chapter of our lives if this is what God has for us. And if we stay in Philly, we will feel so blessed to have our friends and family and Philly food to enjoy. Please just pray for peace as we wait and contentment with whatever the answer may be.

Faith?

I know it's been a long time since I wrote something on my blog. But let's be honest, who actually reads this? Christy, I know you are saying, "I do!" and because I know I at least have an audience of one, I write.

I need to just be honest and say that I am a little scared. God has blessed me with the gift of faith and that gift has eased me through many tough times, but this time is a little different. We've even been in similar situations before waiting on God until the eleventh hour to tell us what the next step should be. But everything changes when there is a child involved. I'm not really thinking about how cramped we might be if we have to live in someone's spare bedroom for a while. I am thinking if I am going to be able to feed my daughter and have health insurance for the one on the way. (If this is how you find out that I am pregnant, I apologize. The official [Facebook] announcement is coming soon!)

When I was growing up, I never really knew or cared that I was poor. I had plenty to eat and we always took some kind of fun vacation. It didn't matter to me that our house wasn't perfect or that I didn't have fancy clothes. I was taken care of and I knew I was loved. I always thought that when I was a Mom, I was going to do just as good a job as my mom did, if not better b/c I would have a little more to provide my family with. But here I am, a Mom and pregnant, and we are going to be homeless and jobless in a month. I feel like I have failed in some way, not b/c I'm not a good Mom, b/c I am. But b/c I didn't prepare better, I didn't save enough, I didn't work more hours when I could have, I lived too extravagantly before I had children.

I really do trust God and I know that He is going to take care of our needs b/c He desires to give good gifts to His children. But I also desire to give good gifts to my children, and my heart aches that I can barely give the necessities to my children. Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief!

tough times

I don't really know much about politics or the economy or the workings of this nation, but I do know that I am scared. I find myself looking around my (rented) house looking for things that I could sell if we needed money for food. I am dreading the fact that my daughter is getting older everyday and will eventually need clothes, books, and lunch money. I have even put off getting a haircut for a few months now because it feels like a luxury that I can not afford! I spend everyday working with unfortunate families who are struggling to make ends meet and at the end of the day I realize that I am only a paycheck away from being in line with them. There is an amazing man who volunteers his time at the Family Center b/c he has been laid off from his job and is trying to be productive while he waits for a break. He is trying to take care of two little boys on his own and will be homeless at the end of April. My heart breaks for him b/c of what he is going through, but even more b/c I don't have the means to do anything about his situation! What is going on here?! My prayer is that my faith will not falter in this time of uncertainty and that my God will provide.

Liquid

A big shout out to Jym and Carrie Doolan for introducing me to Liquid Church. Never has my faith been more tested or challenged than listening to the down-to-earth sermons based on real life issues that I am actually going through. I have been listening to the series called "Vertical" about prayer and it has really rocked my world. I recommend that everyone check them out on the web.
www.liquidchurch.com

PS. If you are married, you should really listen to the sermons on Song of Solomon!

a kick in the pants!

Ok, I am ashamed! Christy has now started a blog and I believe that in my last blog I said that I would be trying to post once a week from then on... that was in October! Oops! I do have a small excuse, shortly thereafter I started a part-time job! Let me tell you all about it...

I never planned to go back to work, my heart's desire is to be a stay-at-home Mom. But Corinne takes great naps during the day and Jason works from home, so I was starting to feel a little... dare I say, bored?! One day, Jason came home and said, and I quote, "I found purpose for your life!" After I punched him in the gut, he showed me an ad for a Part-Time Youth Coordinator position at a family center in our town. I immediately jumped on it and started a few weeks later! After spending several days trying to remember what one does at a "job," I am really starting to get the hang of this thing. The most exciting part of my job is that I am going to be starting a mentoring program in our county. It is a huge task to take on, but will be so beneficial to the youth of Kent County.

Corinne is enjoying spending more time with her Daddy. When I took this job, Jason quit his one day a week job at the coffee shop and now he hangs out with Corinne every afternoon for 4 hours. Things are working out great! Developmentally, she is going crazy! She has doubled her birth weight, she is eating solid foods, sitting up on her own, and chewing on her feet. Best of all, she puts her little hands on my face looks into my eyes, smiles, and says...... "DADA!!!" Grrrr. Besides that minor setback, she is growing beautifully.

I will leave you with a strange family photo....

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It has come to my attention that I need to write more frequently and maybe about some positive things too. I appreciate that advice, but did you know that blogging is real hard work?! Just when I think that it might be time to write another entry, I realize that I don't have anything interesting to say! Ha ha! But I am going to commit to writing once a week for those of you who are committed to reading, sometimes more often than I write.

First of all, let me say that there is no more beautiful sound in the world than that of your child's laugh! I guess hearing "I love you" from this same child will be up there, but we aren't quite there yet. Corinne laughed the other day and I wanted to melt. Unfortunately for Jay, he had to tickle her repeatedly, make high-pitched noises and make funny vibrations with his lips for about 5 minutes straight in order to draw this laugh out of her, but I'm not complaining! It just keeps getting better!

Jason and I had a very funny conversation the other day. We were talking about how we needed to take the binky from Corinne because it had become a "sleep prop" and she couldn't sleep without it. We literally had to get up from 3-10 times every night to put it back in her mouth when she woke up crying because she realized it was gone. We were hoping to hold out a few more weeks until she figured out that it was literally 4 inches from her mouth, but we decided that sleep was the better option for everyone. So, we were discussing our "plan of attack" against this enemy (the aforementioned binky) and I was telling him about all the advice and strategies I had read on BabyCenter and that it seemed that the best way to go was "cold turkey." Most of the people I had read about had more success with this method than by using the gum or the patch. Craziness, I tell you! Anyways, things went well and we are now binky-free for 2 days- hallelujah!

Another funny thing I realized the other day. In high-school and college, I was a VERY independent person. There are a lot of legitimate reasons for this and some really silly ones, but I did not like taking help from anyone and I did not need anyone's opinions and certainly not their criticism. Sometimes I was so independent that it put a strain on my dating relationship with Jason- I was stubborn, opinionated, and refused to ask advice or admit when I was wrong. Fast forward to 2008, the new me, post-baby. Last month at Target, I told Jason that he had to choose which paper towel and toilet paper brands to buy because it was just too stressful for me. Really? Toilet paper, stressful? I used to carry all of the grocery bags from the car at one time just to prove that I could do it myself; now I ask for help choosing an outfit for the day. I asked Jay the other day, "How did I go from obnoxiously independent to completely worthless?" Honestly! I am incapable of being on my own and making my own decisions. As a Young Life leader, Jason goes on many overnight/weekend trips with the kids and by the time he gets home, I am ready for a vacation! I am not saying this to put myself down, in fact, I actually think it is hilarious! God really has a way of smoothing out our rough edges, ya know?!

Thanks for reading! I hope this entry put a smile on your face!! If it didn't, here is a picture of Corinne to make it happen!